Living vs. Surviving

I was talking to a friend of mine (one of the very few) on our way back from a class this morning and we discussed our feelings about college.  We both agreed that college seems to be another institution holding you back from the real world because most people aren't ready for the real world.

I am ready though.  I can't wait to be out in the real world.  I can't wait to make my own money consistently.  I can't wait to pay my own bills.  You heard that right.  I can't wait to pay bills!!  I can't wait to take ownership in the things that I have.  I can't wait to be doing what I want to do.

And then I look at the way I am living right now, and I find that "living" is the wrong word to use.  I'm not living right now here in Oklahoma; merely surviving.  I haven't made great friends or been living the college life, I've just been surviving what I've been thrown into.

And let me tell you; that's a really hard reality to face.  I have good days and bad days, and the bad days just suck even more everytime I have them.  I'm tired of hating my life.  I'm very tired of fighting with myself over the situation that I'm in.

I keep trying to look to see where God is in all of this though.  Was God telling me from the start to not come here and yet I decided to do what I thought I wanted to do instead?  That's a posibility.  Was God leading me down here, even if for just a short time, to do His work?  That's also a possibility.  With all of that in mind though, I'm not enjoying my time at all and I feel that God hears that and will hopefully change something.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic day!