Me time.

Alone.  By definition this word means "separated from others."  And that's pretty much how I feel.  I'm separated from the ones I know and love.  I'm separated from those that I have comfort with.  I'm separated from the people whom I like to laugh and have a good time with.  I'm alone.  

Now, "alone time" on the other hand, is something completely different.  I'm really starting to miss my alone time.  Whenever things would get heavy back home, I could always go to the basement of the house and watch TV or surf the internet without anyone bothering me or talking to me.  I love having the time where I can relax and think about things and process through all the worries of the day.  I can't do that here.  I don't have the friends to go out with and talk about things and have intelligent conversation.  I don't have my alone time to just relax and not have to worry about anything.  Now I'm not saying my roommate is a complete loner like me though.  He does leave for things, as do I.  But there's so much going on all the time and so many people, I can't seem to get away from it all.  I can't leave and go anywhere because I have nowhere to go, and nobody to go with.  My roommate and I go to Wal-Mart maybe once a week, but I'm getting to the point that I'm tired of going with him everywhere.  

I want my friends.  I want people that I can hang out with and enjoy spending time with and not be judged.  And I swear, if someone else tells me that I need to get out and do things and meet people, I'm going to go crazy!  I AM getting out to different organizations and I AM meeting people, but nobody I've met is the type of person I would like to be around.  I'm just so out of my element and I don't know what to do.  I've been considering staying here for a whole year but at this point, I don't think I can handle it.  I just want to be home..... Not even home though.  I just want to be in a place where I can make new friends but also see some old friends too.  I want to be in a place where I can come home for certain events without it being a huge hassle.  I wanted to get away and see things outside of my small town, but why did that have to mean leaving the state?  

Here, right now, in this moment, is not fun for me.  I'm honestly not enjoying my time here.  I'm going to keep up the things I've been doing but the more I think about it, the more I'm struggling with handling the situation I'm in right now.  This sounds so bad and I don't want to say it. . . but I'm starting to hate this part of my life.